Healing and hope for familes of divorce

I am a "child of divorce".  My parents divorced when I was approximately 1 1/2 years old. Their marriage lasted about 3 years. I don't remember them married and, to be honest with you, I can't picture them married. They married young and out of loneliness.  I suppose the shortness of their marriage is not truly surprising.  Two half people can never make a whole.

This is where the grace of God comes in, as it has so many times in so many lives.  Scripture says:
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Rom. 8:28
This is probably one of the most incorrectly quoted passages in the Bible.  Note that Paul does not say that all things are good, rather that God can and does work through all things in our lives to bring about good.

My parents divorce was not good.  There was emotional pain for my parents, as well as my sister and I, upheaval and financial burdens as one home became two, strife between friends and family.  I am thankful to God that over 33 years later much healing and forgiveness has occurred and that my parents chose to unite as parents behind my sister and I in our upbringing.  They are wonderful grandparents whose grandchildren have never heard an angry word uttered between them. God grace has brought the good of healing and forgiveness.

The other good He brought was in the form of my step-mother. Both history and fiction have brought us some fairly ugly representation of step-parents, step-mothers in particular.  They show them to be jealous, callous,unfeeling  and even abusive toward their step-children. While I do not doubt that there are step-parent/step-child relationships like this, I personally know of many step-children and step-parents who have loving relationships, including my own husband and his step-father.

I recently lost my beloved step-mother of 29 years, whom I called "Mum".  I shared at
her service and later shared my remarks with a friend, who told me how encouraging they were for families of divorce and remarriage.

Below is a portion of what I said that day.  I shared it with my own mother, who told me I had "hit the nail on the head".

"Mum was known for her generosity, but I wonder if most people know how much she gave when and where it was least expected.  When I was 10 years old, my mother, Bonnie, my sister and I moved back to Helena from Seattle.  Starting that Christmas and every Christmas, until I left for college and my mother moved to the East Coast, Mum and Dad had us all over for Christmas Day.  Mum and Mom always exchanged gifts.  Mum even included gifts for the foster children that my Mom took in. Mom and Mum always got along. They were respectful and kind to each other despite the awkward circumstances.  It wasn’t until I was older that I realized what a tremendous and generous gift that this was, that most children of divorce have never experienced. Her greatest act of generosity was in accepting my sister and me as her own children without ever seeking to take anything from my mother.

She had a unique role in my life.  She was my third parent, one of my best friends, a wonderful mother-in-law to my husband, and a deeply involved and loving Grandmother. She was my Mum and she will be deeply missed."

I share this not to glorify divorce.  Divorce happens for many reasons and it hurts. Do I believe that with God a couple can experience hope and healing in their marriage? Absolutely! But, if divorce and remarriage do come, God can bring hope and healing as well.